Friday, November 22, 2013

Top 6 Ways to Keep Female Friendships Alive

As I get older I like to think that I get that much more wiser. I think it's just a combination of trying new things mixed in with learning from the past.

If you don't know my story then you need to know that I moved every 3 years of my life for my whole life. The longest I ever lived in one place was the 3 1/2 years I lived in St Augustine, Florida for college. I know what it's like to have to make new friends and have to say goodbye to friends you might not ever see again.

I have tons of friends (or so I think) and many live here in Atlanta and more live all over the world. I work 50 hours a week and I live 45 minutes away from work. This means I leave my house at 7am which is in the dark now, and get home around 7pm which is also in dark. That leaves very little time to connect with friends and spend time with them.

There is something to be said about a solid female friendship. We can cry together on the couch and eat ice cream, we can have lunch and talk about our deepest secrets, or we can dress up and just go out to dinner, because hey we want to. As I have gotten older I have realized how much intentionality matters when it comes to solid girl/woman friendship. Day to day stuff happens all the time and it makes it that much more important to see your girls when you can. So I have decided to give you to the top 6 ways that I intentionally keep those friendships alive.

1. Call and Call Often

Like I said, I have many friends who live all over the world. Luckily we are so blessed these days with the technology that allow them to be as accessible as possible. Two of my best friends are Mallory and Abby. We all met at Flagler in St Augustine and became great friends. Mallory still lives in Florida and Abby has just recently moved to North Carolina for Grad School. We don't talk all the time but usually every other week one of them or myself will pick up the phone and call the other. It doesn't have to be a super long discussion. Just a simple, "hey I miss you", or "you will not believe what just happened to me" conversation helps us to stay as in each other's lives as possible. Sometimes I just go through my phone and look for someone I haven't talked to in a while and call them just to check in on them. Those can turn into some of the best conversations I have all day. So pick up that phone and use it for something other then texting and social media.

2. Go Out on Planned Dates

Last February I met my great friend Kirsten. We both happened to be running in the same 5K and met through mutual friends. We instantly clicked over a 3 hour coffee date and spent a lot of time together through the spring and into summer. She got into nursing school and started this past fall and life has just become busy for us both. I called her last night to check in on her and talked about planning a couple of dinner dates surrounding the holidays. When life gets crazy sometimes you really just have to plan an actual date with your friends. She stopped by the house and we pulled up calendars and made two dinner dates between now and Christmas to make sure that we would see each other. We care about each other we just don't see each other often, so making a time set aside for that will help. It doesn't have to be fancy either, it could just be a Mexican dinner every other week.

3. Give Gifts

Who doesn't love the feeling when you get something for no good reason other then they thought about you and wanted you to know. I know I do. One time my roommate and best friend left me flowers and a card in my bathroom to thank me for something and I just about lost it because it meant so much to me. I want to make sure that my friends feel that way as often as I can. I love giving gifts. Whenever I am out shopping I am always on the look for something that one of my friends would love. About two months ago my friend Kristi came over to learn how to make apple pie. While we made pie she talked about the struggles she was going through and what the Lord was doing in her life. In that moment my heart was stirred for her. The next day I got online and ordered some flowers, put the lyrics to her favorite song Oceans on it and just signed it With Love. I didn't want it to be a big scene but I just wanted her to know she was loved. Eventually I told her it was me who sent them and she told me that the flowers is what helped her make the final decision to move to Italy to be a nanny for a year. Something as small as flowers. If you pass by something and it reminds you of someone, pick it up, give it to them. Let them know they are loved.

4. Pray for Them Always

This is probably one of the most important aspects of maintaining a solid female friendship. The power of prayer is stronger then we give it credit for. The bible doesn't say Pray Always as a suggestion, it's something to help us live by. I have been so honored to blessed with friends who know that no matter what is going on they can contact me for prayer. It always amazes me to see the fruit that comes when sisters or friends band together to pray for another one of their own. I see this all the time in all of my bible study women. In the business of our lives I can text all of them at once and know that in that moment about 10 or so women are praying on my behalf. I know that I too can be praying for them and for all of my friends. Anytime someone pops into my head I start praying knowing that the Lord will intercede on their behalf and do his will. Take the time, pray for your friends, it will bless them and it will bless you more then you know.

5. Be Spontaneous

Being a young twenty something makes me feel like I am getting older. At the same time I realize how young I am and how much more life I will get to live if the Lord allows it. As we get older more responsibility comes and comes, jobs, marriages, families, kids, the list goes on and on. My roommate and best friend Lindsey and I often take the time to spend together on Saturdays. It's when we both happen to be home at the same time. We go shopping or do whatever we want with no real agenda. Last weekend we went to Wal-Mart and spent an hour and a half walking around and having so much fun. I am sure we looked ridiculous but in that moment we were just 23 year olds having a good time. It was some of the most fun I had in a long time and we both just ended up laughing and giggling our way through the store. Every now and then I get a night where I have nothing to do. Instead of sitting at home I will go through my phone and see if someone wants to go see a movie or do something, why? Because at this age I can. I am choosing to spend my time with my friends before life catches up too quickly and the opportunity is gone.

6. Go Out of Your Way

This can be one of the most challenging and rewarding things on this list. I learned early on that it's not about me but about them. In a world that's all about me me me, this can be extremely hard. Pride takes on a big role in our lives and it's so easy to forget about the other person. I find though that if you continually put yourself aside and go our of your way for another person, eventually they will start doing the same and a beautiful thing emerges. Whenever I plan a date or something I try to make it as easy on the other person as possible. If I want to spend time with them then I will do whatever it takes to do that. Drive an hour just to have dinner? Yes. Why? It shows them how much they actually mean to me. I want my friends to feel loved and to do that I need to set myself aside and really show love not the fake stuff that only happens when you "happen" to get together or see each other. But the real love that is intentionally seeking after them and challenging them as you allow them to challenge you. Put yourself aside. It's not about you anyways. I promise in the end you'll reap the rewards.

So there you have it. That's how I keep my friendships alive. It's pretty easy and the pay offs are huge. I know that in the drop of a hat I have a long list of friends who would come to help me or be with me just I need ask. I would do the same for them.

Have a great Friday!



  1. I found your blog randomly and I so agree with this post. As we get older friendships need more effort since our lives are so focused on other things that require so much time. I especially like how you said to pray for our friends. So glad I found your blog!

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