What Now.

So for the most part this blog has just been about my journey as a nanny who lives outside of Atlanta, Georgia. I bake, sew, do crafts, and have a blast with the three kids I watch.

What I don't or haven't written about is my current family situation.

I am sure I have mentioned that I have an older brother, who is married with 3 beautiful children, and two younger sisters who still live at home. What I have left out more so is that in September of 2011 my life came to startling halt when my parents who were shy of their 25th wedding anniversary announced that they were officially divorced. It happened so quickly that I felt sick to my stomach. I was just about 2 months into my student teaching in my last semester as a college undergraduate student. So I basically attempted to not think about it and just power through. This left me with a plethora of emotions and I would cry at a drop of a hat, then I would get angry, then I would have to laugh about it, before eventually crying again and questioning a lot of things.

For the past couple years my parents have been doing a whole court thing because of a very complicated situation which left my mom with absolutely nothing to her name and a number of medical issues that were coming to the surface. My dad and I had a strained relationship for a while. We are both quite similar in some ways and so that led to no communication and very little if any of a relationship with him. Through the whole situation I was closer with my mom. It was hard and surprising when they announced that my mom would move out of the house they were both living in for a year and a half and move to Phoenix to be with her family. My sisters took it very hard and while I lived in Atlanta, I could feel all their pain even though I was unable to be there.

My dad shortly after got remarried and to be honest I wanted nothing to do with her. In my mind I had painted her as some evil lady who was attempting to take the place of my mom, and I already had one and I loved her dearly. I harbored a lot of resentment but mostly kept to myself because in my mind if I didn't have to be a part of the whole situation it wouldn't hurt me. I was oh so wrong. Holding on to so much baggage I would spend many nights just crying and questioning why this was the situation my family was going through. How as a child my worst fear was my parents getting divorced and here it was happening to me in my early 20s.

Fast forward to the weekend I spent at the cabin the beginning of September. At the end of that trip we were each given a journal and were told to write a letter to ourselves asking God for things that we believed in him for this next year. As I wrote I asked for all sorts of things. One thing that I decided to boldly put in my letter was to start the healing process with my dad. This was something I put in there meaning maybe I could write a letter and let him know how I feel or something and that it would happen in the next year. This past Friday my mom and aunt where in Florida for another court date. They were going to be stopping in that night to stay a quick two days with me on their way back to Phoenix. I was really excited to see them and on my way home from work I called my Aunt to ask if I could grab anything from the store. And this is where the miracle begins...

When the phone was ringing it hit me that by this time they would have been done with court and would have some sort of answer to something. So as she answered I asked how she was doing and through tears she said that she was awesome. That just earlier that day, my dad cried on the stand and apologized to my mom. She said it was like the scales had fallen from his eyes and what he had mistaken as a character flaw in my mom which led to the divorce was in fact some medical issues that we were not aware of. As she was crying I started crying as she described to me that my mom would be taken care of for the rest of her life and that my dad was willing to help. As I was talking to her my phone beeped. I looked down and saw that it was my dad.

My heart was a mix of emotions, happy, nervous, and everything in between.

I told her I had to answer it and as soon as I did I knew it would be ok. My dad was on the other end of the phone and basically told me everything my aunt had and through tears apologized to me and told me he was sorry for any grief that he had caused. He said that he couldn't change what had happened in the past but was ready to make it right from here on out. He said that in the end my mom was still the mother of his 4 children and he owed her that. I was balling. In the past weeks at bible study I had talked many times about the one thing I ever wanted was for my dad to apologize but I never thought it would be possible. Not only was he apologizing to me he was ready to make it right.

I was stunned. I was overjoyed. I was praising God. I am amazed I didn't crash my car haha.

After I got off the phone with him I got back on the phone with my aunt to briefly tell her what had happened as we cried together rejoicing God. We had so many people praying for this and to see it come to fruition increased my faith by leaps and bounds. I attempted to call about 4 or 5 people who didn't answer their phones and so finally got ahold of my bible study leader Jeida who rejoiced with me as I described the events that unfolded. We talked about how much our faith had just been increased. My phone had about 3% battery left so I headed to the store and then home to charge it up.

My mom and aunt came in late that night and after visiting and talking some more about God's grace and his power we went to bed. I was so overwhelmed in my spirit.

Saturday morning I woke up to an email from my dad that was addressed to all four of us kids and my sister in law. Basically it was explaining everything again and apologizing some more. I was still in shock and just amazed at how God was moving in such a rapid pace.

My mom and Aunt and I went apple picking that morning on a beautiful mountain just north of where I live and then came home to watch some Alabama football and a movie.

On Sunday we headed to church and then to lunch and finally back home where my Aunt told me she would buy my plane ticket and then I could reimburse her, which was a major blessing as I am about to take on a financial cut in work. I sent my dad an email that afternoon about something and later that night received an email back.

I was sitting in the church plant that I have been attending for a little while now and read over the email and contained my emotions as even more joy filled my heart. Once I got home I re-read the email and just cried. I shared it with my roommate and as the email went this was the last paragraph.

I am proud of you and again I am sorry that I treated you in a fatherless way and thank you to find in your heart to forgive me and letting us move forward. I know I don't say this much, but I am extremely proud of you and I wanted you to know that and that I love you from the bottom of my heart. I know it will take more on my part to convince you of that and it will be a work in progress but I am committed to you and your mom.

Thank you again Jenni and I proud and blessed to call you my #1 daughter,

God Bless you and I know God has great things in store for you,

Love Always,

Daddy

If you know me and my story you know how much that paragraph meant to my heart. To my broken heart that was still very heart by my father. To hear how much he loved me and that he knows how wrong he was and that he plans on doing everything he can to prove to me what he has changed, has changed my life.

I feel like I have been floundering in the bottom of a valley quite some time now. Still trusting and knowing God is faithful. I have believed this year to be one of immeasurably more and have seen it so much in other people but wasn't seeing it so much in my life. Until now. This is immeasurably more then I could have ever thought was immeasurably more. This is the face and voice of God saying "Jenny when you stand back and surrender and let me in control I can move mountains, watch out because I am not done with you yet." Remember that letter I wrote on that Sunday at the cabin. It took him 5 days to get the ball rolling. 5 Days. Not a year, not a month, not a week, 5 days to say I hear you, I see you, and I'm gonna let you know how much I am working on your behalf.

Still not convinced how much God is moving. You know that flight that I was gonna pay my Aunt back for? Well I found out this morning that my Pawpaw is going to be covering it.

Blessing
Immeasurably More.
Cared For and Seen.
By the God of the Universe who calls me His.
I am honored to serve him with my whole life.

If you don't know him and you want to, please don't hesitate to ask.

So what do I do now? Praise Jesus and continue to see his hand over everything. When it comes to my dad, I forgive him. How? Because Jesus forgave me.

With Love and now Healing,

Jenny
PS. I love you Daddy, always, your Lynn Shows.